borrowed phrases

George Carlin 1937-2008:

• By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
• Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
• Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
• We created god in our own image and likeness!
• Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's ten things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ... And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!
• Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
• Is there another word for synonym?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "S" in it?
• Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
• I like Florida. Everything is in the 80's. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
• Swimming is not a sport; swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!
• Nothing worse than to be stuck somewhere with some married asshole and have to listen to him tell you about his fuckin’ kids.
• Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievments on the back of our car.”
• Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
• I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
• The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
• Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
• If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
• If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
• Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.
• Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
• One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.
• You wouldn’t know it by some of the things I’ve said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but in short bursts. I don’t like people for extended periods of time.
• Americans have been bought and sold by gizmos and toys. As a result, no one’s ever learned to question things.