Thirty some odd years ago Billy Joel wrote "life is a series of hellos and goodbyes - I'm afraid it's time for goodbye again." Over the past couple months I have grown more and more cognizant of the truth in these words as the winter months have brought with them harsh endings and meaningful transition. Out of this change and with the slow dance into spring I have stammered to stir up my own proverbial pitcher of lemonade.Until a couple of months ago my wife and I had been involved in a five year friendship with another married couple. Things took a turn about three years ago when the first of several major issues began to mar an otherwise enjoyable, comfortable situation. The discomfort these issues introduced slowly created a cancer on the relationship that started to manifest itself in passive aggressive behavior and the once seemingly normal friendship began to become one maintained out of guilt and obligation. As time wore on I began to pull back from the situation, dislodging my emotional connection and removing all but feigned interest, I began to better see some of the psychologically abusive behavior we'd become prey to. Efforts to continue the friendship in altered and less frequent ways showed themselves fruitless and things fully fizzled out two months ago with the simple return of a house key.
The weekend spring arrived this year was jarring and emotionally charged; full of finales and farewells. My wife and I bid adieu to our slight Florida winter with a dinner party focused around chili and hot spiked cider. My sister-in-law packed up a truck and moved away after three years rife with temporary triumphs and unavoidable heartbreaks. And finally, a close friend and complicated kindred spirit held a final hurrah upon selling his house, which is one step in a short list of motions toward his setting off to discover the world. And it is within all of these sea changes that I found myself face-to-face with my own urging for rebirth and renewal after the darkening winter. There's a classic "Northern Exposure" episode called "Spring Break" that portrays the heightened libidos and altered states of the quirky town's residents as the long winter's ice builds up metaphoric tension before officially breaking and releasing everything out of its staid, wintery cocoon. One subplot of this episode involves an unexpected rash of small electric theft - quite the anomaly for the little town. In the end, the culprit spells out his rationale for the crime as a reminder of our primal roots and that the world is chaotic and unsafe.
Often times, life grows stagnant. Stagnation doesn't take much effort, after all. If it's not about remaining involved in the present, moving forward, and evolving than what's the point of waking up in the morning. Sometimes all our lives need a kick in the theoretical butt. Like Anais Nin said: "Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death." Maybe this is about breaking out of the office prison to be within the freedom of the open road, or maybe it's about moving home again to find out who you've become while you were away, or maybe it's about sifting aside the cold embers of an aging relationship to build up a new fire or passion. Whatever the case, poke yourself a little more out of that shell and open your eyes....
