gouge away.

Life is a quarry, out of which we are to mold and chisel and complete a character.

~ Samuel Butler

(94)

watchful eye.

(93)

quiet storm

I have what is often referred to as a morbid curiosity. It is that twisted part of myself that inspired me to take the long way home on this past Saturday afternoon. A full figured plume of smoke in the sky beckoned me forward, like a kid intrigued by ant hill carnage. As the iPod shuffled through it's requisite music history lesson, I voyaged turn after turn until I found myself on a familiar roadway witnessing what appeared to be a controlled burn in the local prairie.

I snapped a few pictures and went on my way, determined to expound upon my thoughts on fire as a powerful metaphor to our everyday realities. Fire, is after all a lover of passion and the reason for most one night stands. I have sat beside many a roaring campfire, stoked by its glow and brought to meandering contemplation due to it's seeming understanding of my fiery soul. I think of the healing nature of fire, as it burns away what is no longer necessary, even when we're merely speaking of the aged gristle on an outdoor grill. A theoretical controlled burn can keep us moving forward in our journeys in a continued positive direction, if we let it, whether this might mean burning down those structures in our life that no longer have meaning or letting those hurts scarify us as lightweight reminders of where we've been.

But the story seems not to end there. From every effect we can garner a resulting chain of events that helped shape it. Somewhere between that afternoon and nightfall, weather conditions and possible human failure would ultimately allow for the horrific, so-dubbed apocalyptic accident on nearby interstate 75.

Everything has it's consequences. Most of these we can never predict.

(92)

evening out.

It is with true love as it is with ghosts; everyone talks about it, but few have seen it.
~ François de la Rochefoucauld

(91)

be forewarned.

(90)

up rooted

Change happens at a different rate for us all. It is quick to create unexpected turbulence for those not fastened in properly. In times of great upheaval, don't forget to give your world the chance to level out, to catch up, and to fully acclimate to the new trajectory.

(89)

other half

Absent their color, those elements we recognize instantly become far less notable. All things require balance, collusion, unity or a flip side. Without it, how can we distinguish borders, meaning and definition, or how we fulfill our part of the whole? This is the quandary of an infant, to whom everything is unfamiliar and equal parts frightening and fascinating. Eventually we grow, mature, and learn the words for what orbits and what interferes, and it becomes the newer, more complex emotions that remind us of our infancy.

(88)

outer bounds.

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.
~Paul Boese

(87)

pickup artist.

(86)

captive audience

We all expend so much energy clocking in miles and miles on our psychological pedometers, as we spin mindlessly inside the hamster wheels of our same ol' same ol', day-to-day lives that we're quick to miss it.

Don't.

(85)

dragon's breath

One week ago, on January 23rd, the Chinese New Year ushered in the Year of the Dragon, traditionally considered the luckiest of the Zodiac. May that be the case.

(84)

immature themes

Some create drama. Others see the comedy of it.

(83)

bye, gone.

we are, we are mature children
- "Whisper to a Scream (birds fly)", Icicle Works (1983)

We all come into the world in roughly the same fashion. We arrive full of the gunk and gore of our first temporarily leased homes. Truth be told, at passing glance we all look about the same in those first wrinkly roasted peanut pics. Yet, somehow the human mind has the capacity to detect the differences between them, even to the point of selecting which is a match of the adults we see every day, whether it's by instinct or simply a truth hidden within the eyes. Though things change with time, certain characteristics that once existed have a tendency of maintaining in their way. To all that exists, a pentimento bleeds through.

(82)

fielding democracy

(81)

our tribe

Wanderlust has filled my belly since a young age, spewing forth on an occasion or two. I have always been a gypsy at heart, with a spirit for the road and of voyages to the undiscovered and the re-imagined. Mostly these roaming instincts have been kept at bay, held idle, gumming up the system inside. That is, until recently.

There is a concept I have returned to time and again, whether in my daily musings, in my fiction, or in this blog. It's the idea of home, of throwing down roots, or of finding a place to belong. I have found it crucial to recognize who you are at your core. This is a constant that never really changes, but instead can be viewed differently over time, but is for all intents and purposes your magnetic north.

(80)

candy rain

Surprise yourself.

(79)

joy ride

(78)

bridges. tunnels.

Elementary arithmetic and reasoning help us see the distance between two points. Everything holds an agreeable space between itself and something else. These things can be measured in concrete terms. We can even readily comprehend that there are multiple ways to move between our said two points, varying the result. For most things we have the sun, maps, charts, and GPS at our side. With further consideration we can even determine our needs along the way, such as fuel, reading material, and consumables. When point A and point B are instead two humans, things get a lot messier.

(77)

after chrysalis.

Don't you wanna go back there?
- why would I wanna do that?
So you could tell yourself to do things different. Save yourself a world of pain . . .
- no, I needed that pain — to get to where I am now.

[conversation between Locke and Sawyer - LOST, ep 5.4]

(76)

seeing red.

(75)

cosy catastrophe

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
~ Rainer Maria Rilke, (translated) 1903

(74)

shifting tides

(73)

small wonder

Working at Radio $hack, I am on the front lines of watching consumer electronics batter a whole bevy of things into oblivion. So many things the geeky chain once stocked have been forced to a couple rows in the back of the store, moved to the website where other niche needs go to die, or disappeared altogether. I hear about it everyday, from my heavily low-income and elderly clientele.

I am forced to sell the future and trade-in the past as everything goes wireless and distractingly fast. I often tire of being on the cutting edge in this way. I like old, dusty things with a glow of patina and distinctive charm. Deep edged inconvenience has done the world fine for eons. I wonder when enough is enough. I imagine a time when people have just plenty of newfangled devices and enough attention deficiencies that genuine human interaction is a thing of the past. Science fiction has been threatening it for years, and eventually it will be right.

(72)

home fires.

“Just as a fire is covered by smoke and a mirror is obscured by dust, just as the embryo rests deep within the womb, wisdom is hidden by selfish desire.”
~ Bhagavad Gita

(71)

apples. oranges.

Today is the last day to submit a play for the 2012-2013 season at the local theatre I have contributed to for the last six years. The selection committee in all their glory will be reading plays and over-involved submission questionnaires between now and March to come up with next year's playlist. My name will not be among them.

I contemplated this at length, and realize that the behind the scenes horror that raped the last play into memorable obsolescence has left me with far higher expectations for those I wish to depend on while trying to undertake the challenging works for which I have become known.

Although I still have a list of plays that I would like to present in the dark, intimacy of a stage like that, whether they be squirm-inducing thinkers or my twist on more conventional titles, I don't think it's worth it when confronted with large children with their petty jealousies, sturdy egos, and narrow minds like the brood running the place these days.

(70)

little wisdom

This has been traveling around the internet lately:

• Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
• When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
• Follow the three R’s: Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.
• Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
• Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
• Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
• When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
• Spend some time alone every day.
• Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
• Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
• Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
• A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
• In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
• Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
• Be gentle with the earth.
• Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
• Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
• Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
• If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
• If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

- The Dalai Lama

According to the post I saw, it's intended to be twenty ways to take on good Karma, however in my mind the Karma aspect pales to the fact that these are simply good lessons for life, and a veritable checklist.

(69)

wolf moon

"If you shoot for the stars and hit the moon, it's OK. But you've got to shoot for something. A lot of people don't even shoot."
~ Confucius

(68)

explain yourself...

(67)

the reimagining

So much energy circulates around us and within our grasp. We imbed this in all that our respective worlds encompass. This is why things take on such power and meaning. Some of these lay heavier with our weighty baggage. Our memory recalls more than simple circumstance. It has the ability to fully feel these moments, in spite even of truth. It's imperative to move forward and let things come in and out of our lives. A wall hanging that holds within its frame little more than discouraging memories can find new life as a lucky find for someone else at a thrift store or leaning against the side of a dumpster. It's precisely how we come upon the phrase likening one's trash with one's treasure.

(66)

secret garden.

(65)

epiphany. listen.

(64)

monocle view

if you hurt what's mine
I'll sure as hell retaliate
~ "Safe from Harm", Massive Attack

The human brain is one mighty powerful chicken flavored lump. We have the great capacity to retain and recall, stretching our minds around a seemingly limitless multitude of inputs. Just consider how many faces we can recognize. We can discern them in their youth before we knew them or recognize them behind the old age make-up or under that new hairstyle. We know many actors and performers from nearly all conceivable angles broad enough to identify them in a Picasso.

Yet sometimes we catch a glimpse of ourselves in a photograph and wonder if that's really how the world sees us. The view we get from our own reflection in those portal opening ninety degree dressing room mirrors or in that brief spinach in the teeth check in that little compact can never fully do justice. We can never fully see what others see. And we can never fully comprehend the motivations of others, since we're each constantly getting a grasp on ourselves.

I think again of the war of silence waged between my sister and my parents. My sister is loathe to the fact that I continue to forge a relationship with my parents and they leave open the occasional silence in our conversations to allow for me to interject a bit or two about her. But I don't. The whole matter creates an uncomfortable underlying awkwardness. They are both right to protect their interests and their perspectives, but unfortunately like such an unfortunate common theme of late, loyalties become split and questioned, or used as a commodity.

(63)

available light

Three things lead people to change
- they hurt sufficiently
- a slow type of despair called ennui, or boredom
- the sudden discovery that they can
(Thomas Harris, M.D.)

(62)

time passages

Seen as time lapse photography, life is filled with constant change and alteration. A ball ceremoniously drops and suddenly we are faced with another year. This new one takes the place of the last. Things do become replaced. A gap takes hold where a tooth once sat, silence hangs where conversation once existed, love falls where once only disappointment could, desire goes where once complacence laid, passages of text roll across where an empty page once stared back, knowledge is discovered where there was once only wonder, humility takes the place that once held disdain, and new life sprouts where once there were only seeds.

(61)

oh, clarity!

When life reintroduces characters who have been written out of the script, it's not unreasonable to take note.

(60)

fetishize this

(59)

auld lang.

To everything there is a season. One year ends and another begins. It's as simple as that. The currents of life are in constant ebb and flow. The only way I have found to achieve a sense of balance is with equal parts pleasure and equal parts pain. It's how our proverbial buoy stays afloat, so to speak.

(58)