12 November 2012

fail blog.


In November of last year I put myself up to the challenge of posting:

314 posts with 314 photos with 365 days to accomplish it.

This is image 235. I have been posting chronologically since I started, to maintain a semblance of structure even as time passed. I took this at the end of August. I have likely taken the remaining eighty photos that I'd like to share on here, but I don't have the time. Last week I worked seventy-six hours, the week before didn't kid around, and this week won't be much better. There's no way I can find the chance to finish this challenge. Oh, and my computer's monitor is starting to give me seasickness.

On the plus side, I'm gaining lots of material for future creative projects.

(235)


31 October 2012

team colors


Pride.

Why so revered? It's a known deadly sin. Without it we seem without purpose, and drive. We want to take pride in our homes, pride in our work, and pride in our relationships. Yet it truly is an ugly animal, mauled over time by connotation and misuse.

A vision for it has been on my mind lately, as I have tirelessly expended myself attempting to create an atmosphere where pride can live and grow at my tarnished workplace. I have held all of the power, and none of it likewise. When it slips things go to shambles. This was the case when I arrived on the scene two and some months ago. Morale was in the toilet. Energy was held at a whisper. And anger ruled in a slow rumbling, underneath the surface of this place that leans a little to the west into a literal slowly digesting sinkhole.

I have held onto my pride with all my might. I value these things. Home. Work. Connections. I fight till last breath for them. Sometimes it's my own undoing. I don't always seek a tangible pay-off. I find worth in the action itself. I've always enjoyed kicking up dust, so to speak. I am terrible at being stagnant. I react like an animal in a cage, clawing and biting for any alternative.

I have been trapped here for some time, navigating instead through varied travails I've encountered. I didn't expect to be working for this company so long. It was the first shark that bit. Then I fell and fell into what came next. Inadvertent responsibility is tricky. I have invisibly done more than I have with note. I don't enjoy drawing attention to my contributions. But when you're a number, and little more than a dossier, to an amorphous corporate unit such as this, it becomes necessary evil, and a skill I don't have well tailored.

What I see as braggerts and bullshitters, the machine sees as success stories. I have fundamental disagreement with this methodology. It brings to mind a close friend of mine, who is (amongst other things) an actor. He doesn't believe the hype of his own cheerleaders. And he doesn't like to promote himself and network. My experience in the creative industries has shown the colors of these actions to be a self-congratulatory jerk-off cream toned mess. I can fully understand wanting to avoid it at the cost of... dare I say, pride.


(234)

spreading joy


 (233)

survival instinct


Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman's weapon is her tongue.
 ~ Hermione Gingold


(232)

floral arrangement

 Welcome every morning with a smile. Look on the new day as another special gift from your Creator, another golden opportunity to complete what you were unable to finish yesterday. Be a self-starter. Let your first hour set the theme of success and positive action that is certain to echo through your entire day. Today will never happen again. Don't waste it with a false start or no start at all. You were not born to fail.
~Og Mandino
 
(231)

hallow's eve.




(230)

24 October 2012

incidental mushroom




(229)

power play


He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.
  ~ Lao Tzu

(228)

forbidden embrace


(227)

10 October 2012

trippin' pinks.




(226)

blame less


I didn't do it.


I inherited a ship of fools nearly two months ago. Just as personality clashes and mental tensions were becoming unbearable at the Ghetto Shack, I was offered a vaguely spelled-out store manager position at the Brigadoon Shack. Due to its proximity to my home and its distance from all sorts of malicious intent that were urging me postal, I decided to accept. Flight or fight mode was triggered, and I took the leap.

The highers knew I had put in for extended time off for my wedding and honeymoon when I said I'd give the captain's wheel a spin. The first couple weeks were a grand assessment and overhaul period. The longest there had survived the asshole control freak manager and the kickin' back playing games on his phone manager, so my vibe was something new. They were not used to someone who actually worked, got things done, and expected them to as well. But they also were putting up their fight against change.

I left the store like a teacher would leave the place for a substitute teacher, with detailed assignments and expectations. It was a gamble. And unfortunately the dependability of the whole crew as well as the local managers I asked to oversee can easily be questioned. When I arrived back, it barely looked like I had been there in the first place. I checked in with everyone about their progress through their tasks - that they never signed off on, despite my clarity - and fault was thrown around every which way.

(225)

09 October 2012

fertile ground

Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.

  ~ Langston Hughes
 

Any second grader from my generation could tell you the one about Eskimos having hundreds of phrases to describe snow. Sometimes I wonder why we Floridians don't have a similar manual on how to speak of the rain, given its frequency.

(224)

got game.

Believe me! The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously!
  ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
(223)

twisted fate




(222)

08 October 2012

overbearing mother.



Momma, do you think she's good enough, for me?
Momma, do you think she's dangerous, to me?
Momma, will she tear your little boy apart?
Mother, will she break my heart?
- "Mother", Pink Floyd 1979

(221)

26 September 2012

24 September 2012

act two

The more you are motivated by love,
the more fearless & free your action will be.
◊ Dalai Lama XIV
The last show I directed premiered one year ago, last night. Each and every aspect was a struggle and a fight, that left me longing for a different venue, another collection of board members, and some goddamned dignity. The core group of artists who did ultimately wage the waves with me without jumping ship command my utmost respect.

For a short time, I contemplated submitting a show for the theatre's consideration. Over the past nine months, in fact, I was asked time and again: Are you doing anything next season? What are you directing next? What's your next show? I thought about submitting something partially out of habit and mainly out of yearning to spray my creative juices all over something else.

After the mistreatment the general populace of the behind-the-scenes hacks offered the brilliant piece of theatre I assembled last time out, it appeared the only way to garner their attention and notice was to play it straight and way too safe. It seemed that grit and perversity were much too worrisome for their little minds to take on.

I thought about a few shows that their high school esteem could cheerlead behind that I could likewise add my own particular brand of spice to. I also had my moments of fuck-all, as I reconsidered shows like the unsettling 1979 work, Bent or anything that no one else in this town would have the balls to attempt. But there was nothing I could concieve of putting my blood, sweat, and tears into that wouldn't feel like I was wasting my time for a bunch of amateurs and a likely tainted prospective audience.

Oh, and I suppose there was the little fact that I was getting married. As the year passed, I came to realize such an event shares many attributes with putting on a show.

  • BUDGET ($$$) - Whether you love it or hate it, money is a key component to any major undertaking. On previous plays I have done, the above theatre in question offered a reimbursement amount between 200 and 250 dollars, which would presume that a quality show could be put on for that precise amount. I have always disagreed. At ticket prices of ten dollars a pop, I don't believe that amount of moolah can put together squat which would warrant such an entry fee. I was able to pull off the last show for somewhere in the realm of 850 dollars, but the actual retail value far exceeds that given how many things were given to it pro-bono, to say nothing of a fair amount of DIY, which seems the proper buzz word for putting a little freakin' pride into the proceedings. I highly recommend putting yourself into everything you do, regardless the available funds. This is certainly the direction my bride and I took our nuptuals. It doesn't hurt, either, that we are both highly creative individuals who are also really good with money.
  • LOCATION - As a wedding is essentially a limited engagement production, finding just the right scene for the folks in question is key. Working the theatre I have for so many years always made the choice an obvious one, but now that things have changed finding another option takes a lot more fore-thought and internal examination. I remember watching Paul Thomas Anderson's masterpiece Boogie Nights in a dingy, piss smelling, grungy dollar theatre that made my boots stick on impact. It was the right place to experience that grimy flick. The choice of venue for a wedding can easily link hands with the tone of the show. We took the better part of our eight month engagement to discover just where our show belonged. Ultimately we decided upon a ceremony venue that accepted our unboxable religious and spiritual belief cornicopia and lent itself to being a place embraceable by each person in attendance. Our reception space was the harder fought decision, which quickly became the obvious answer to the query. We decided on our favorite pub, an establishment with a history itself and for us, positioned on a street corner of much significance.
  • PROMOTION - What's the point of putting on a show if no one knows about it? In this new speak age of Facebook and the changed dynamics of social interaction, the release of relevant information was highly considered. In ways we are quite old school. We quietly became engaged and shared the information with close family and friends before presenting the big reveal on the social drone machine. After that we dropped zero hints about any ounce of wedding planning or other adventures we were having, so the few handfuls of people who received our inventive invitation package in the mail by July were understood to be an exclusive lot, and the one-of-a-kind invite was in limited supply.
  • CASTING - One can never spend too long in casting. I know from being involved in poorly cast situations. From the month of our engagement until the last few invitations were licked shut and mailed, my fiancee and I toiled over the guest list. Having been harshly shown the true colors of so many so-called friends over the years, we were more assured of the value of people who could see through all of the filth, all of the lies, and were worthwhile participants in our life ahead, as opposed to pawns for someone else's agenda or disingenuous soulless duds. A few additional flies would ultimately drop from view once it became time for the processional. The people who showed up, and gave it their all, and the ones who could not be there but certainly were felt from afar are the ones who continue to hold an invitation to the exclusive inner circle. The rest can sod off.
  • SCRIPT - As a self-professed writer, words are significant to me. The tone of a script is often what draws me to material that I would like to share with an audience. The words are important, but so are the spaces between words that draw moment for reflection. Standing in front of our friends and family we heard more than a few people say 'wow' or the like. And there were even welcome moments of levity. The overall response was powerful.
  • MUSIC - Music makes all the difference. I don't know if it's related to the choice of music that plays within a movie, at the workplace, in the car, or at a party. If the tone is set inappropriately or arbitrarily, the choice will be the production's undoing.
  • COSTUME - If I learned a strong lesson from my first play, I say always have a costumer. Make sure it's their only job. I would certainly contend that my bride and I were the snazziest looking folks at the wedding. It would have been a disappointment if that were not the case. We set down ground rules after that. Everyone needs to wear what they're comfortable in, with the expecation of Florida weather and dancing. Without fail everyone looked like themselves. So much of what goes on inside of each individual was exhibited in their choice of attire. And humorously no one looked like they were going to the same place. The last show I did demanded the actors in essence dress themselves. They were advised to dress like their characters. They were concerned they'd just look like themselves, but in truth they found parts of themselves in their characters and wore that.

(219)

01 September 2012

getting hitched

I would climb any mountain
sail across the stormy sea
If that's what it takes me baby
to show how much you mean to me
And I guess that it's just the woman in you,
that brings out in the man in me . . .
  "Feels Like the First Time" (Foreigner, 1977)


(218)

16 August 2012

going bananas.



I will have a blushing bride in less than a month.

That sounds like a perfect time to start up a new job, right? Well, the universe seemed to think so. Aspects of the past two months arrive into my memory in a blur. Two months have passed since I was underhandedly demoted from my pseudo-temporary post at my store in the 'hood. Everything there was turned on its head, power struggles ensued, excessive dramas erupted, a mutiny was brewing, and my schedule was in essence flipped.

Now I no longer work there. I bid that old raggedy, stress infested place its due farewell and good riddance yesterday. As of this morning I will be inheriting the trouble on the southwest seas, the S.W. Neglected. In what seems to be likewise surprise attack fashion, I will be taking over the reigns within mere minutes of the lazy, undependable, former manager's forced resignation.

If life were truly a choose your own adventure novel, we'd rarely select the right course of action. Simply following the flow of life as it comes from our hopes, dreams, and prayers, and seeing what doors open and which remain chained, we frequently discover unexpected answers to our problems.


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15 August 2012

carbon footprint


From the backstabbing co-worker to the meddling sister-in-law, you are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life. You can either give negativity power over your life or you can choose happiness instead. Take control and choose to focus on what is important in your life. Those who cannot live fully often become destroyers of life.
   ~Anaïs Nin


(216)

14 August 2012

in patience



Good things come to those who wait.
~ Heinz ketchup
Recently I came across a list of twelve traits of happy people. I think we could all learn something from it. Here's the abbreviated version:

1. Express gratitude.
2. Cultivate optimism.
3. Avoid over-thinking and social comparison.
4. Practice acts of kindness.
5. Nurture social relationships.
6. Develop strategies for coping.
7. Learn to forgive.
8. Increase flow experiences.
9. Savor life’s joys.
10. Commit to your goals.
11. Practice spirituality.
12. Take care of your body.

That said. Time to eat.

(215)

07 August 2012

pure morning



When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
~ from "When Harry Met Sally" by Nora Ephron

(214)

i peed.

(something about) the next ten songs on your iPod


I'll just dive right in.

(1) "Uprising" by Muse (2009)
Though seemingly seaped in political paranoia, Muse's straight forward pounding anthem is simultaneously an emotional inspiration for the outcast and underappreciated to say nothing of an obvious stripper tune for the Doctor Who nerd set.

(2) "Loverman" by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds (1994)
The disturbed stranger lurking in the dark of many a nightmare is likely modeled off the mug of the brilliant Nick Cave, who does some of his strongest work on 1994's Let Love in. This track is particularly unsettling yet captivating, in the fashion of a gruesome highway pile-up.

(3) "The Way You Make Me Feel" by Michael Jackson (1987)
Thriller was my childhood! Everything about that record helped to form my musical appreciation, understanding, and expectation. I am one of the millions who are still in disbelief every time a reference is made to Michael Jackson's death. Though personally and psychologically a mad mess, I refuse to dismiss his artistic brilliance that was in high gear through the peak of his career in the 80's. This tune from that album's follow up still cooks, and would no doubt still keep the dancefloor full.

(4) "C'est la Vie" by Robbie Nevil (1986)
This soulful, babymaking tune is sadly long forgotten by most. Even though he charted a few other times in the following years, Robbie Nevil will always be a one hit wonder to me.

(5) "Just Let Go" by Fischerspooner (2005)
A high energy minor hit by the electroclash duo Fischerspooner. It's like a modern day take on an Atari game, and one that I like to play a lot.

(6) "Apologize" by One Republic (feat. Timbaland) (2007)
Sometimes I'm not certain why I love this song so much. The dude on vocals has that vaguely whiny tone in his voice that tends to be the irksome modern sound that has ruined a bit of contemporary music. But then there's the commanding beats, and Timbaland's amusing tag that he seems to offer all he does, like aural graffiti. The truth is I believe this song. There's an emotional texture to it that I just get. And sometimes that's enough.

(7) "Drivin' My Life Away" by Eddie Rabbitt (1980)
If Thriller was music formative to my childhood, urban country circa 1978 to 1982 may have been even more so. I grew up the receipient of myriad musical moments. From my dad, I inherited classic country. The sounds of this period, specifically, find their way on the iPod quite often: Alabama, Willie Nelson, Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers, Crystal Gayle, Don Williams, Juice Newton, Ronnie Milsap, and of course Eddie Rabbitt. This song and "I Love a Rainy Night" (his follow-up) are a one-two punch time warp.

(8) "I Feel the Earth Move" by Carole King (1971)
Upon breaking free of the Goffin-King songwriting team (and marriage), Carole King released her first and likely pinnacle work, Tapestry. The namesake says it all, the record weaved together all that was terrific about her: tight melodies, thoughtful lyrics, and some decent guest star friends.

(9) "Shellshock" by New Order (1986)
John Hughes, what wonderful 80's music we should all thank you for helping us discover. His films always intertwined musical experience with life experience. It's a combo I can relate to. This one first showed up in Pretty in Pink, and has consistently found itself onto many a shuffle. I often prefer it to the predictable "Bizarre Love Triangle" and "Blue Monday".

(10) "You Got That Right" by Lynyrd Skynyrd (1977)
Guess I was born with a travellin' bone. When my times up, I'll hold my own. When it comes to Southern Rock, there are few substitutes for these guys. Sometimes it comes down to death. This song is from their three days posthumously released album Street Survivors - the one with the flames behind the band that some would say foretold of their demise. One must wonder whether an anthem like "Freebird" would be the same song if it weren't for the plane crash that took the lives of so many band members.

(11) .... I could have continued, but I've got other things to do.

the grounded


Here's a truck stop instead of St. Peter's
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
~ "Man on the Moon" by R.E.M. (1992)
During the past couple weeks Netflix has been sending my fiancée and I the award winning mini-series From the Earth to the Moon, which neither of us had seen during the fourteen year stretch since its release. What an appropriate time to take a gander at it, since coincidentally Sally Ride recently passed and an SUV of sorts has landed on Mars!

A little known fact: during my sophomore year of college I receieved my highest grade ever (a ridiculously high A) in Astronomy. For one who went from studying elementary education as a paying job fallback for a posited film career to college dropout turned self-taught whoknowswhat, this comes a bit out of left field. But space is facinating! Give me science fact or give me science fiction, especially of the extra-terrestrial variety, and I'm interested.

The mini-series had its aesthetic failings, primarily minor directorial choices, but it was quite in depth. Separate some added trivia for the noggin one of the things that really stood out is the realization that everything great truly happens at a snail's pace. A million tiny steps, circuits, and moments of time move us from big point A to bigger point B.

(213)

05 August 2012

pseudo majestic



Am I a part of the cure or
am I part of the disease?
~ "Clocks" by Coldplay
You can taste when love comes out of the kitchen. It's noticeable when food has been prepared with heart and in harmony or with haste and through resentment. A meal made with passion and with regard to the end-user simply holds more flavor.

At the end of the day no fast food is made with love. It's not a place to expect it. Some kid who couldn't get a better job drops the frozen such and such in the deep fryer by rote and on command, not due to any culinary gymnastics or care for the customers. It's passionless. It has no pulse.

I've always enjoyed the whole waffle fry, savory chicken nugget, sweet iced tea meal at Chick-Fila. It's never been political. It's a matter of nostalgia and of taste. When given a choice between the wares of this joint and any of the other on-the-fly folks, they've always won hands down. But it's only fast food. And I haven't been there in eons. Now somehow they've become the poster children for the gay marriage debate.

I think people who oppose it are misguided and wrong, and I'm sad we're still discussing it. End of story. But I do have to wonder whether there'd be anywhere else to buy the things we need or the things we want if a socio-political position was riding on our selection process.


* Here, watch this video.

(212)

04 August 2012

carpet ride



When you get right down to it, we need very little.

(211)

02 August 2012

pump it



Always fill up. You can never be sure just how far you want to go.

(210)

31 July 2012

storm's coming



And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth brought forth her fruit.
   ~ James 5:18
After the rain the grass will grow, after wine, conversation.
   ~ Swedish proverb
May you always have walls for the winds, a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire, laughter to cheer you, those you love near you, and all your heart might desire.
   ~Irish blessing

(209)

look away!!



hell - 43
damn - 23
god damn - 5
pussy - 2
dick - 1
shit - 11
fuck -25
c<>t - 0

total # of posts: 481


When I was in middle school, I found Peter Benchley's original novel of Jaws at one of the many bargain bin garage sales my local branch of the library had. This was during an early surge of insatiable curiosity and avarice for all things storytelling. I had seen Spielberg's movie adaptation plenty of times, but I had never read it's source material.

It was a thick, daunting book that turned out to be a swift read. By the time I got around to reading it, at any rate. In the meanwhile it sat with hundreds of others, collecting dust on my shelf as I tore through library book after library book, often at the neglect of the ones I actually owned. But then my honor's English teacher offered us the chance to pick a novel to read for which we'd do an oral and visual presentation. I decided to go for this one.

I thought it'd be a breeze. I'd be able to tie it in with the movie, since my facination for film was advancing exponentially, during this time as well. But then I actually read it. And for a kid at that formative time, I was quite taken aback when I realized just the sort of elements Popcorn Steven had omitted in his version of the story. I can assure you there were certain key passages that found themselves read again and again, from specially dog earred pages.

When it came time to put together my presentation, I went artsy and nostalgic on the visual presentation by creating a newspaper from 1974 from scratch (no small feat in a time that seemed to pre-date everything I would use today to create the same thing), and a bit of a bullet-like retelling of key points of the shark tale. I skipped the whole matter of the sex, the nudity, and the graphic descriptions of things I had only begun to truly piece together. It became my dirty little secret from the class.

There is something thrilling about having an extra ounce of knowing. It's the excitement one gets from leaving the panties in the hamper when they go out or from whispering something off-color in a stuffy setting. Truthfully , it's our human ability to have whatever kind of thoughts we desire whenever or wherever we are. There's a gratification in that.

There are alternate, often unseen sides to most of life. I certainly think about that in context with this blog. I have been posting and posting pictures and observations for six years now. One could create a whole other page from all of the things left unsaid. There's so much buried within the phrases I have chosen or between the images posted. Somewhere between the combination of the two, the full story is transmitted.

More and more, especially over the better part of the past three years, what I've shared has been to the extent to what I would care to share. Fewer thoughts have been redacted. And it has taken me far less time to scribe the message. Words have flowed much, much faster. I believe it's because the life I live now has fewer barriers.

But then there's the pictures. My current series of images have just kept coming, as I end up snapping pictures nearly every single day. But still not everything seems appropriate for posting. Is it because this blog is still suggested for general audiences? I know a lot of people to whom the word mature would not apply, though they are considered adult. I think some of the concepts and ideas I spin here have a, pardon me, depth not found in most underage folks.

Is it merely the sight of nipples and not the suggestion that makes something adult?

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30 July 2012

seeing things



Our eyes can not be trusted.

(207)

29 July 2012

sky light.



All of my years spent living in apartment complexes have never resembled the situations you see in movies and on TV. Sure, the space itself has a similar structure to many of them, the appliances are temperamental, and the walls rumble with some semblance of the story unfolding next door. But neighbors in reality are rarely like those who seem to have captured back story and current thread of those residing adjacently, nearby, and betwixt.

So, it certainly stands out when an airbrushed couple unloading a rental moving truck jump at the chance to introduce themselves to myself and my sensual partner in crime. It was primarily an exchange of names and acknowledgement that we'd be sharing a wall and an approximate floor plan. For the one bedroom shadow of an apartment they were moving into, their truck held a lot of goodies. That and their jumbo pick-up truck seemed filled to the hilt with the sort of sundry bits kids accumulate at their age, apparent spoilage, or low level of credit card understanding.

Though on the shallower side of their twenties, they were an attractive duo, in that young Hollywood sense that made my woman's and my brief interactions with them seem akin to the tolerable early moments of the fortunately panned TV series Swingtown. There was tightness and tone to their overtly tanned bodies that drew much suggestion from our combined wild imaginations, as to their going-ons and presumed willingness.

Newness takes time to create routine. On the one side of our building, we can hear what has always seemed like clumsy poltergeist activities involving furniture on every third day of the week. Their tiled floor could only have suffered in umbrage and physical damage unrepairable. Somehow their dog who we see much of, outside in person and in poop, seems to keep it down to a whisper inside. Their television and bass heavy instrument playing is far more notable than a peep, bark, or growl.

Moving into a new place brings with it desire. There's the desire to get settled in, by solidifying a home space as swiftly as feasible, and a desire for a couple of hot, sweaty folks to get their freak on in as many new spaces as possible. I think it's written in our DNA. I can only guess the amount of caves whose stalagmites may just hold some primitive love spray within it's glimmering layers.

Think about that the next time you're spelunking.

In anticipation of creating a home from nine cracked bare walls, I have found myself hammering a thing or two in the wee hours of the morning, if only to cover up that intrusive water stain. Unpacking can go long and extensively depending on just how expansive one's collection of trinkets and whatnot might be, to say nothing of the heightened energy level brought on by change.

On the one hand, the sounds on the other side of their wall at 3AM were indicative of the well chosen placement of a few framed posters, likely black light-ready or otherwise raised up from their origins from that art sale at the edge of the gas station lot. Or, on the other hand, the sounds were representative of the flushes of steady pounding, human racquetball in their final sticky throes. The disturbance was brief but noticeable. For a split second the noise seemed warranting of a walk through one courtyard and along a stretch of sidewalk to suggest our new neighbors keep it down. But when new people move in, it takes a few weeks to tap into their rhythms, so we thought it an isolated incident. Plus, we're the last two folks to be the proverbial asshole neighbors. So, we drifted back to sleep.

That was the last of that.

Several days passed and we heard through the grapevine that we had been in earshot of a late night B&E. In spite of the substandard parking lot that we lived with for so long, or the questionable gunshot pops in the middle of the night, and any number of other stereotypical details, this is an uncommon circumstance for this complex. Not that it makes it right, but it doesn't surprise me that some young kids moving in with some fancy, new shiny things in broad daylight who then left for a week long foray somewhere else would be a shout out to local chaos.

They were, as they say, asking for trouble.

The following weekend, after a fantastic evening at our favorite pub, my lady and I pulled into our lot. We stepped out of the car, in a likely too-buzzed-to-drive, getting-a-bit-handsy-and-frisky-to-boot condition. Out of the shadows stepped a dark figure. We could hear the leaves rustling and saw the whites of his eyes before piecing together that our community evidently had stirred up a quick fix security guard to man our dark corner of the rental kingdom.

And boy could the guy talk! Maybe he talked too much. He was going on about all of the apartment's efforts to remedy this singular situation by planting him during such and such hours, by considering putting up barbed wire of all things, and every other detail that maybe isn't necessary to go into with every person encountered. How awkward, though, to have some stranger lurking outside our windows with quick chatter on his lips and gun on a holster. I have never been one who enjoyed the thought of living in a gated community, so the thought of local security never really drove me wild either. Fire begets fire. You get what you give. You see, I feel people have more control over their own lives and what disrupts it than most could digest.

But there he was: our regular welcome home greeter, as it were. It was damage control. It didn't make me feel any more comfortable. Then again, I wasn't worried that it was suddenly an epidemic. I feel that's a lot of people's first thought. Worry. Fear. Paranoia. It's weaved deeply into our culture.

Jump forward a month or two. The security situation is becoming more and more unnecessary. I suppose it must have started to be a monetary and superfluous burden on our complex, because as swiftly as the security team showed up, their disappearance occurred equally fast.

In their place sprouted a big wooden pole, amongst our comforting tree canopy. Then out of seemingly nowhere, a street light companion grew out of it, like an unexpected social glom. Suddenly there was a UFO in constant hover mode above our ordinarily darkened courtyard, emitting an off-color disconcerting orangey glow that began spending the evening, night, and dawn with us. It was no doubt some small panel's answer to our local crime, but an insulting eyesore and interference to enjoying any outdoor ambiance. Screw our string of comforting blue lights, or multi-colored strand, or even candles. Hell, our front porch light has become obsolete! Our enjoyment of our courtyard is now restricted to daylight hours and in anticipation of the cooler weather of the same.

The punishment certainly doesn't answer the crime. I'll tell you that.


(206)

minor key



The older I get, the younger I feel.

Somebody might have already said that. I could be quoting them without realizing it. Ideas are a tricky beast. There's a fine line between creating thought from the ether and speaking in familiar truths. Being human is a common experience. Nothing sets us apart from another, baring proximity on the literal level and perspective on the figurative. Once we accept that the easier everything else becomes.

(205)

27 July 2012

heart strings.

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.  ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery




Inpiration comes in many forms. It blesses the world in as many facets as we find creativity. From the rhythm of sprinkling on an array of spices in your daily culinary pursuits to arranging the pillows on the bed at the end of the night to how you display all of the disparate items that clutter up your desk, everything has a measure of art.

Everything.

I have held these inclings in my mind for a long time. Born the observer of my bunch, for a time I thought my quiet, contemplation masked emptiness. But in truth it was always a stirring, a percolation of my soul. My need to create is loud and brash. It's all around me. Lightbulbs of inspiration are burning out and being replaced all the time. And for this I am thankful.

(203)

opportunity knocks.



We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.
~ Charles R. Swindoll
There are so many succinct expressions that have become commonplace in our language that come out to play when they are least useful: you can't teach an old dog new tricks, live and learn, what goes around comes around. I hear them or variations of them on a semi-regular basis, especially given the spread of drama that seems to disseminate through my friend and acquaintance collective. And as additional drama has recently arisen within my workplace on a daily basis, I have seen the blob similarly extend in that direction.

The running theme of these issues seem to encapsulate each idiom quite well. The older we get the more we become inclined to carry around a small stack of three by five cards with contigency plans for each situation we encounter. We presume them to be tried and true, and certainly the ones that have gotten us by up to this point. This is why reactions are quick and predictable.

Each plays out stereotypes: jilted women undermine all men, blueballed men don't respect women, and on and on. Those who've lost jobs or relationships due to extreme personality clashes are quick to get on their high horse about how flawless they truly are. Blame is placed externally. How can the world be so rife with victims? I see so many playing the victim or, more notably, the martyr of whatever war they've been waging. And even before seeking answers inward, attempting perhaps to remedy personal failings, they throw the issue off to karma, move on, and do it all over again.

(202)

26 July 2012

= 64%


π challenge.

On November 11th, 2011, I began a new blog challenge, as a means to further hone my photography skills and to place additional pressure on myself to become a tad more prolific. The challenge is simple and open-ended: post 314 newly taken pics in one year's time.

(as of this posting, I just passed #201)



My earliest memories flash before me like a photographic flipbook. This is much like an occasion when a dream is being recalled. The brief bursts of significant moments reveal themselves a few at a time. As we retell it we weave it into something else entirely - a new thing. It's got some structure and it's got flow, unlike the film school avant-garde of our more daring dream space. Our brains don't require this as we sleep. I believe this is something pertinent to our awakened state, however.

When something already exists, we tend to take it a little bit for granted. It becomes part of our pre-packaged idea of how things are. Our recognition of the things that are and the things that seem not to be become very distinctive. This is why a moment like riding your bike out of eyesight of mom or off the block entirely is something I recall being quite powerful.

It's the realization that something more exists. And this something is far more captivating than what is present now. Many people fear it. Expanded horizons are so full of unknown. We don't tend to partake of very much unknown, since the known looks so good on our mantles just the way it is.

Ultimately this creates stagnancy. It breeds unpleasant relations that harbor resentment and complacency.

I was given my first quality camera when I graduated high school. Before that I had borrowed the family 110 camera or would use that cheap 35mm I was given for an eighth grade overnight field trip. My true passion was filmmaking, but I made the most of the point-and-shoot experience I had with this above average 35mm with adjustable settings.

This was a time that pre-dated even the most primitive household digital cameras by several years to say nothing of social media. It was a time when people would still shy away from the lens of a camera. I wonder if it has anything do with the contemporary instant ability to veto shots as they come.

Whatever the case, this was a particularly formative period for my creative juices. As an aspiring filmmaker, I saw photographic images as pieces in a larger visual puzzle. At least that was my hope. But my comfort level and skills were still at such a pedetrian level, I was a long way from connecting meaning into my pictures.

Since that time, I have actually had the chance to create extensively, in a variety of forums. It took me a long time to recognize the fact that no one project really had any more importance than any other. For an artist, what matters ultimately is a body of work.

The debacle from one year ago at my theatre led me to turn my back on the place that did me likewise. As is the running theme of the past couple years, I have grown up far beyond what it currently offers. There are other horizons for my artistic contributions.

Toward the end of last year, during a year when my writing had been at a particularly prolific high, I decided I wanted to tune up my photographic powers as well. So many people who post on blogs have attempted to knock out a picture a day for a years time, or some variation therein. I am not like most people. I decided to be honest with myself and curtail the number of pictures to 314 (based on π, which carries certain significance for me) within the span of one year.

As of this post, I have posted 201 pictures to this challenge. (Sure, there are a few freebies along the way that I haven't applied to this for one reason or another.) Even though they may at first seem like a potpourri, scrolling along should tell a number of continuing stories, full of my usual dose of subtext.

I also feel that I have become far more comfortable with creating something from nothing. Most of these pictures were taken completely on the fly.

Sometimes overthinking can ruin the best things.



(-113)



23 July 2012

fish bowl




(201)

mortal coil



These days we are constantly advertising for ourselves. We have become so used to creating profiles representing all of those things we are about, that we support, that define us. We update like mad our bylines on the likes of Twitter and Facebook, as a means to stay prominent and noticeable. When we're out in the warm glow of human interaction, our phones come out ready for presentation and proof of our popularity and importance. We are a growing concern.

Right? Aren't we? We're special. We stand out. I swear it!

The need for external validation is huge. Our disconnect is so extreme that in a drive to be seen for who and what we are, I have seen too many reinvent themselves at the cost of their own identity. They wear their new and improved packaging with discomfort and a painted on smile. Reinvention at its core is a beautiful theory and philosophy, but so many are a dishonest representation of it.

(200)

22 July 2012

positive space



Sometimes you have to let what's hiding in the darkness surprise you.

(199)

independent moon.



There's only one thing that I know how to do well
and I've often been told that you only can do
what you know how to do well
and that's be you
be what you're like
be like yourself.
~ TMBG - 'Whistling in the Dark' (1990)

(198)

20 July 2012

une fusion


a song you want played at your wedding

Last year when I undertook a music-related blog challenge, I constructed my own list from a variety of sources. One trigger that kept coming up while I was searching for ideas was a song you want played at your wedding. Truthfully I can't even think why it didn't make the cut, but I know everything has its proper time. I am getting married in less than two months. We have actually been talking about the music for it quite a bit, since our DJ wants a very detailed playlist from us.

After my lady love and I met, it didn't take us long to get stirred up in the power of one another's intensity. There was a kinetic energy and sensual passion to our earliest connections that was unstoppable. Our magnetism was palpable. And few of those who knew us during this time expected it to last. It's just a matter of opposites attracting, right? They'll get over it. After all, it must have been little more than a rebound from our now defunct fourth grader aged marriages.

Often one of the tell tale signs of being held back in the moving on process is going after a partner with similar characteristics as your recently estranged. My newly discovered pursuit could not have been more different than her. If she was like anyone, she shared commonality with a woman with whom I'd played around some nearly fifteen years prior. This new woman had striking depth of character, a twist in her humor, a darkness she wasn't afraid to explore, and a beauty befitting European erotica.

I was smitten, and I refused to let anything or anyone stand in my way. Take that christianmingle.com and the rest, I found my match all by my lonesome! It only took a lot of wrong roads to get there, for the both of us, but there we were facing the future together. This is a mighty powerful revelation when opportunity like this strikes precisely when the world is expecting a different reaction. We'd both stumbled along in our ill-fitting relationships, like actors playing the same tired roles year-in, year-out, speaking those same words until they had no meaning and our lips were numb. The details were different, but the outcome quite similar.

Have you ever been to an amateur dance class? There's a room full of mostly strangers who pair up and rotate through different pairings, attempting to learn the steps. Every rotation takes a new adjustment, and it's awkward and it's forced. That's what it used to be like. For a long time, I thought it had to be. Just when I thought reshuffling the deck one more time was going to do the trick, when starting with a fresh one was the answer. Everyone involved is so much better off! The new world that erupted into being when it was all said and done is a far superior place.

She makes sense to me. And I make sense to her. We've had strong rhythm since the very beginning. As I understand it, through experience, through knowledge of others, what we have is rare. We flood one another with a youthful enjoyment of everyday. Together we can be daring, and naughty, and take risks. And we function so freakin' easily! Sometimes I can't believe it's my life. I wake up every day pleased as punch.

And now we're getting married. And the guest list is really beginning to sparkle. But they're coming for the vows and staying for the party. So we need music.

There's so much. I'm going to go off the top of my head with this one:
  • Endless Love by Lionel Richie & Diana Ross (1981). I will attest to this being one of my most favorite love songs of all time. Sure it was the theme song to a long forgotten Brooke Shields vehicle. It was recorded very quickly, and the final recording is said to be the first or second take. Yet the passion and unity between the voices is what really grabs me, as each shares or borrows phrases from one another, in a vocal dance of sorts.
  • White Wedding by Billy Idol (1982). My brain seems to automatically be seeking out the early 80's. Perhaps it's related to something quite formative. Perhaps this is the most obvious choice of a wedding song. Any old wedding. I choose this one for many reasons. All of which are multi-layered fun! And no, I'm not letting on.
  • Once in a Lifetime by Talking Heads (1980). You may tell yourself - this is not my beautiful wife...How did I get here? -- Need I say more?
  • Everlong by Foo Fighers (1997). I've waited here for you - everlong.... From the remains of Nirvana, Dave Grohl's seeming pet project created brilliance and their signature crowd pleaser with this one. It encapsulates so much romance, in all of it's varied hues.
  • Cruisin' by Huey Lewis & Gwyneth Paltrow (2000). Speaking of duets, this Smokey Robinson cover is one of my favorites. It doesn't hurt that this song originates from Duets, a moderately enjoyable Hollywood peek into the world of competitive karaoke. As a karaoke enthusiast cum officinado (or at least more enthusiastic than previously), it's nice to have a touch of validation from the movies. Second only to that is the somewhat disconcerting fact that the characters in the movie are father and daughter, who share these empassioned phrases.
  • Lucky by Bif Naked (1998). A quiet, reflective, nearly somber ballad which made its premiere on the cult classic TV series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Indeed, we are the lucky ones.
  • Shelter by Ray LaMontagne (2004). Speaking of contemplative beauty, this man is the Van Morrison for our generation, to the chagrin of any number of whiny, indie poseurs whose souls are often phoned-in. You will shelter me my love. And I will shelter you.
Amen.

(194)

19 July 2012

keep reaching.




(193)

impending doom.


Our language is full of it:
  • when life hands you lemons, make lemonade
  • every cloud has a silver lining
  • look on the bright side
  • everything happens for a reason
On an idiom level, they are the equivalent of Cher slapping Nicolas Cage in Moonstruck, telling him to snap out of it. If facebook is any gauge, I have a lot of Debbie Downer friends, who like to turn the spotlight toward themselves to reveal the depths of their sadness, misfortune, and ineptitude. Some of them seem to take solace in the pity and ego stroking of those they call friends. Most of the time what they could really use is a swift kick in the proverbial keister.

Every now and then we can all use our fair share of snapouttovit

If we plant a garden full of worry, tears, and sorrow, what do we expect to have sprout?

(192)

backroad surprises.



To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.
~ Chinese Proverb

(191)

an in


I was recently told a theory on memory. Pick a year from your life. Now try to recall x, y, z details about it. Each recollection is said to unlock another piece, until you really start to uncover key parts of the story.

Sure, not all of life is worth reliving. At least not our own. There's too much pain, too much uncertainty, too many dead ends, but living it secondhand through the words, images, or sounds of those works that we return to again and again. That's not a problem. It's vicarious living. And it's safer.

I am sure you've done this. You've found yourself flipping through television channels, stumbling upon a familiar movie well on its way. And then you get caught up. You might have even been watching something else, currently on a commercial break.

A story well-told unfolds in such a fashion that each piece overlaps the last as well as the following. The mosaic it paints makes so much sense that we become enwrapped within it. This is true of books, movies, theatre, or even within our favorite music. Each time through we begin to recall how perfectly the next part follows.

The pieces of our life make similar sense, in retrospect. Each event eclipses the next. Over time, the more we look inward, the more noticable the saga becomes. If the universe can be expanding then the same can be true of our human lives. Personally, I can see it on my slight scale how each piece of my life has led to the next. Even simply reading back through this blog, new things reveal themselves. What's revealed and what's absent certainly tells quite a tale.

One of the key shifts I've recognized is a change in dynamics. Each person who enters and leaves our life readjusts the tone of it. We all can have such great affect on one another, whether positive, detrimental, or somewhere in between. Like attracts like, separating the honest from the false. Old friends return, holding new meaning. New friends are created as families expand.

And thus, we enter a new chapter.

(190)