status update

I often think about the meta-existence that occurs in our internet culture which has really changed the nature of damn near everything. I have viewed again and again the way that people refer to things that are tucked away in some on-line interaction or region, how conversations can include virtual show and tell with multimedia displays from someone's Blackberry, or the way people may crosscheck a friend's 'knowledge' with a quick Google search. There's always someone else in the room, or to a point, there's always everyone else in the room. I'm reminded of a classic scene from Woody Allen's Annie Hall when a pretentious know-it-all is told off by scholar Marshall McLuhan while waiting in a movie theater lobby. 'Boy if only life were like this,' responds Alvy. Today we do one up one another with our instant access, but humans are flawed and life is imprecise.

I think of Facebook, yet again, and the familiar 'status update' that can be altered every second of everyday. It has since evolved into the more accurate 'what's on your mind'. I feel this turn of phrase is appropriate as we are far more connected to the entire flurry of thoughts and ideas we are inclined to share than we are to recognizing how we are really doing or the true state of our status. If it were accurate it would be like some sort of product testing or film screening audience card, constantly wavering between pleasure, displeasure, and innumerable feelings in between like some warped mood ring. It's unsafe for the relationships in our life to have the opportunity to tell all like that. I have seen passive aggression turn into vile aggression and disregard only to cave into backstabbing TMI.

That said, I am eternally an observer, whether toward others or most certainly of my own reflection. As another birthday approaches I again find myself getting reflective and into self-assessment, pondering my own status. Life is ever the Chutes and Ladder journey as we are knocked back by miscalculation yet able to triumph again by keeping on.

A worried man with a worried mind
No one in front of me and nothing behind
There's a woman on my lap and she's drinking champagne
Got white skin, got assassin's eyes
I'm looking up into the sapphire tinted skies
I'm well dressed, waiting on the last train

Standing on the gallows with my head in a noose
Any minute now I'm expecting all hell to break loose

People are crazy and times are strange
I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range
I used to care, but things have changed

This place ain't doing me any good
I'm in the wrong town, I should be in Hollywood
Just for a second there I thought I saw something move
Gonna take dancing lessons do the jitterbug rag
Ain't no shortcuts, gonna dress in drag
Only a fool in here would think he's got anything to prove

Lot of water under the bridge, Lot of other stuff too
Don't get up gentlemen, I'm only passing through

sang Bob Dylan during the course of Wonder Boys, a favorite film (and novel) of mine. I had heard mumblings of it around its initial release, but I really encountered it after purchasing the DVD on a lark in a bargain bin of a video game store that sold dirt cheap DVDs. Oddly, for something so chaotic, the film has always comforted me. There's a retro feel in the style of the cinematography, an early 70's vibe in the soundtrack, a representation of my soul's home in its frigid northeast setting, and even a lost manner in the way the characters interact with one another. I can't completely put my finger on it, but I think what hits me most is the humanity of it all, allowing me to relate to every character on some distinct level.

As time has passed, I have found myself listening to the film's Dylan theme song and diving deeper and deeper into connection with it. I can feel it as a man who has been through an awful lot and has found a lot of life's answers in simply throwing caution to the wind. You can't get anywhere without taking risks and setting yourself up for vulnerability. You may find yourself waking up to an unfamiliar, changed world, but in it you might actually discover things you might have never imagined and in them what you had sought in the first place.