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AND THE THINGS YOU CAN'T REMEMBER
TELL THE THINGS YOU CAN'T FORGET
-Tom Waits (from Time, 1985)

People seek commonality and connection nearly as much as they look for ways to set themselves apart and appear like original molds. One of the best things in life seems to be the ability to change, evolve, and adapt. These are parts of our core construction. We look back, forward, and around us and respond to the same weather conditions differently depending on the hue of our mood ring.

Although I am contemplating one of those '30 Day Challenge' blogs as any follower of the communal stadium wave might, in the meantime I am going to resurrect an on-line personal survey I did about two years ago.

(1). I've come to realize that my chest-size . . .
THEN: is a seemingly irrelevant concept and deterred me from initially posting this questionnaire. But while we're on it, I've often thought myself too lanky.
NOW: is surprisingly adequate. I realize that this brings to question one's own self-esteem about their body, whether male or female. I actually feel good about myself in that regard these days.

(2). I've come to realize that my job . . .
THEN: is not located in this town.
NOW: is something that is ever-evolving, an accumulation of many differing things, and does not always pay very well, but often allows me to have an impact on people in some sense and that in itself is satisfying.

(3). I've come to realize that when I'm driving . . .
THEN: I am far more destination focused than I used to be.
NOW: I am in control and can really feel nearly twenty years experience shift through me.

(4). I've come to realize that I need . . .
THEN: more sunlight than I once thought.
NOW: a whole multitude of different things from life than I was getting before.

(5). I've come to realize that I have lost . . .
THEN: certain aspects of my personality along the way, whether out of age or necessity.
NOW: more than I previously thought possible, but feel what I have gained to be exponentially more significant.

(6). I've come to realize that I hate it when . . .
THEN: people hate.
NOW: people are lazy, pessimistic, and act entitled.

(7). I've come to realize that if I'm drunk . . .
THEN: I will speak my mind and act accordingly.
NOW: (tie) I'm more likely to feel it the next day. And I'm completely uninhibited.

(8). I've come to realize that money . . .
THEN: is only money and a bit of a trifle unless you need it, which is more often the case.
NOW: often comes at too high a price.

(9). I've come to realize that certain people . . .
THEN: never let themselves change and grow.
NOW: need to remain a part of the past, and fighting against this notion only causes harm.

(10). I've come to realize that I'll always . . .
THEN: find a way to be unexpected and in rare form.
NOW: be considered intense, weird, and any number of other often incorrect descriptions before people really get to know me.

(11). I've come to realize that my sibling(s) . . .
THEN: are distinctly different than myself, but still people with whom I would like to spend more time.
NOW: ebb and flow within my life could use a stronger current.

(12). I've come to realize that my mom . . .
THEN: could do well to not assume she knows everything and its nuance now and again.
NOW: needs someone to look up to.

(13). I've come to realize that my cell phone . . .
THEN: isn't active enough with calls from people I would like to chat with.
NOW: is still just a tool, and really a piece of crap compared to the models I sell on a daily basis.

(14). I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning . . .
THEN: I'd overslept and I didn't feel the least bit guilty about it.
NOW: the temperature might have been cold, but the company wasn't.

(15). I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep . . .
THEN: there was no where else I would rather be.
NOW: balance, peace, and love fill my life these days.

(16). I've come to realize that right now I am thinking . . .
THEN: life could use more dancing.
NOW: a whole slew of things, many of which won't be shared today.

(17). I've come to realize that my dad . . .
THEN: will never be happy or resolved with all of his regrets.
NOW: doesn't know how to relinquish control and fears being seen as vulnerable.

(18). I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook . . .
THEN: I don't really know most of the people who are my 'friends' and something tells me in many cases I never will.
NOW: it doesn't feel like a time waster like it once did.

(19). I've come to realize that today . . .
THEN: I am present and accounted for.
NOW: is one year since I directed "Bug" and I really wish I had a play in the works this season.

(20). I've come to realize that tonight . . .
THEN: is all booked up, and I think I prefer it that way.
NOW: will flow just right.

(21). I've come to realize that tomorrow . . .
THEN: can be manifested, if I really want it to be.
NOW: is not determined, in detail at least, but I know I'm on the right road toward getting there.

(22). I've come to realize that I really want to . . .
THEN: be more open to possibilities.
NOW: keep letting go of what's not and fully embrace what is.

(23). I've come to realize that life . . .
THEN: is whatever you make it and however you perceive it.
NOW: offers more than one way out.

(24). I've come to realize that this weekend . . .
THEN: will be all about relaxation and fun - guilt-free.
NOW: will likely have good eating, hard work, hot sex, and pictures to prove it.

(25). I've come to realize that I am no longer . . .
THEN: as reserved as I used to be.
NOW: misunderstood.

(26). I've come to realize that my friends . . .
THEN: actually enjoy my company, which surprises me since I have been known to tire of it.
NOW: are an entirely different group of people than I would have expected, suggesting actually that you can't completely choose your friends either.

(27). I've come to realize that this year . . .
THEN: all bets are off.
NOW: has been one of my favorites so far, and I am foreseeing wonderful things in the future.

(28). I've come to realize that my ex . . .
THEN: is one of my best friends.
NOW: and I both have long roads to travel, in different directions, for now.

(29). I've come to realize that maybe I should . . .
THEN: find the time.
NOW: [pondering]....

(30). I've come to realize that I love . . .
THEN: much more unconditionally than I realized.
NOW: fully, completely, with ease and give mine to a woman who has recognized aspects of myself I thought no one could see.

(31). I've come to realize that I don't understand . . .
THEN: more than I do.
NOW: people who garner little or no enjoyment from anything yet still call it living.

(32). I've come to realize my past . . .
THEN: is gone. Mostly I remember the music.
NOW: (I'll keep it).

(33). I've come to realize that parties . . .
THEN: are a necessity to happy living.
NOW: can be made or broken by the music. And the people. And the food.

(34). I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified . . .
THEN: of giving up.
NOW: of fewer things than ever before.

(35). I've come to realize that my life . . .
THEN: is not even remotely what I thought it would be, but sometimes I think the surprises and unexpected twists and turns are really what make it all worthwhile.
NOW: is mine. I don't ever want to lose sight of that.

There it is.

An arc of the personal learning curve.