holding grudges

previously published by me elsewhere:

I feel like someone experiencing his third act character arc, and I can't fathom where it all came from. I feel I've overcome something without knowing I was even trying. Who's this person standing on the other side of my mirror these days?

I've become so fuckin' honest about everything. I've never been some cheap ass liar by anyone's assessment, but suddenly I'm saying all the shit I'd probably have kept to myself before. The veil covering my distaste of things going on in my life is fraying.

I thought I'd been in control of it before, even if in some sort of anti-hero fashion, but I know now I have fully taken the reins of my own life. Or at the very least, taken them back.

Sometimes you spend so much time helping other people groom their lives, or at the very least their egos, and you forget to look at yourself and what it's all doing to you.

It's not selfish, it's survival, especially in the movie business. Or unfortunately where I sometimes feel I am, which is in the pursuit of it, or some filmic variation of "playing house" in grade school, long before getting married.

As similar as many of the elements of what I'm currently involved with are to the real deal, sometimes you can't help feeling it's just a bloody dress rehearsal.