dream some

I received an e-mail from a colleague yesterday that was sent to a heaping helping of his filmmaking compatriots about a really unique filming opportunity he'd heard about. It involves living and working on a documentary shoot in Antarctica over the course of two months, much like "March of the Penguins", "Deadliest Catch", or the "Planet Earth" series, starting next week. I actually pondered this prospect for a bit, but I realize that even though my technical skills are growing, I don't suspect the full breadth of them could surface under such climactic duress. But given the ironing out of certain logistics, it does make me wonder if this might have been the sort of thing I need to resolve a number of the gnawing issues in my life.

Issues like my yearning for somewhere beyond the reaches of my backyard, because living in this small college town frequently gets to me with its limitations and predictability. I know that I belong elsewhere and this place is merely a waiting room for the rest of my life. My mind often wanders to the bigger and better opportunities that might exist in places like New York, Toronto, London, or even New Zealand, Minneapolis, or Austin. The far reaches of the globe are merely mirages in my vision and beyond my grasp, but I feel displaced.

Or there's my need to tweak my technical skills and overcome my failings. I learn really well in a trial by fire setting and nothing could be a better instant education than filmmaking on the high seas near the barren wasteland of Antarctica. I know that's too much adversity for me, given the film that I was going to work on in January may have been a place to tweak some of that, but many other things dictated that choice.

Then there's the disconnect I feel with my family. I think about the common bond between my father and my brother. They both spent time in the Navy and they both are sailors at heart. Would living and working on a ship with my uncertain sea legs have meant anything to better relating to them and feeling a kinship I never receive while trying to divert attention from weather conversation with my dad or incongruent banter I'm likely to have with my brother?

It's the easy answer to look outwards for some quick fix to the disappointments in one's life. I know this whole mess doesn't sound like "my kind of thing", but I'm always trying to alter other's expectations of me. I do envision these pirates with cameras hanging out on board this frozen metal deathtrap that is far more suited to someone else. The fact that I'd even consider it unearths truths about what I wish my life looked like. I long to see the world, to live somewhere where people would actually care to visit, to become a stronger filmmaker, and to find a means to connect with the hopelessly distant people in my life.

Is that too much to ask?