"When you don't know where you are going, every road will take you there." (Yiddish Proverb)My mind has been churning and my stomach has felt twisted over the past couple days. I've felt torn down the middle over the concept of letting go of this new movie. Every turn has left me feeling out of place or even very much in the wrong place. I detect something's not right with this one, but I'm nervous about turning my back on it since this town is limited on its opportunities.
I think it's a risk to say no. I've been flaked out on before and don't want to be perceived like that here. I'm just not sure I'm a good fit for this one. I don't suspect I can get better communication from them, or build a better rapport, or have any of my script suggestions heard, or suddenly become promoted to my agreed upon position. I just don't care, and I have this need to be involved with projects I can be more passionate about.
i agree that something isn't right with this. part of me thinks you should ditch the project for all the "cons" you mentioned, i.e. it just doesn't seem like a situation that supports you and your goals. but another part of me thinks that maybe the discomfort isn't a cue to walk away, but a cue to look at a deeper issue of why it is that you keep getting into these types of situations with filmakers who have the means that seem to elude you but lack the talent that you know you have (and even then, you could still choose to walk). you're one of the least flaky people i know, so if anyone judges you that way, they aren't seeing very clearly. and don't judge one potential decision as more "risky" than the other, because for you, that will automatically make the "safer" option less attractive. one choice isn't better than the other, they just take you down different roads. you'll know you're doing the right thing when the tug-of-war in your gut is replaced with a comfortable, settled softness. i know you'll do the best thing.
ReplyDeleteK - The eloquence and perception of your response astounds me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
ReplyDeleteSorry I've been AWOL this week...but glad I'm now catching up so I have a chance to throw in my 2 cents:
ReplyDeleteI agree with K.Lee.
On the one hand, it's probably a good idea to hang in there since it falls into the "paying dues" category (i.e., Roger Ebert co-writing Beyond The Valley of the Dolls, etc).
But on the other hand, if it's making you feel that twisted inside, then maybe this one should be avoided. There will be plenty of other "dues-paying" projects--yes, even in Gainesville, and life's too short to throw away big chunks of time on something that turns your stomach that much (like I can talk; look at MY job!)
But do as I say...not as I do =)
Good luck with whatever decision you make!