status que?

previously published by me elsewhere:

Many of the most important people in my life, the people that really feed my soul, live at geographical distance from me. It's something I've surely recognized in the past, but it seems to be a recurring theme in my life that I've been noticing a lot more lately.

There's a certain safety, and personal comfort in having a lot of people at distance. To a certain extent I can't stand the daily update chit-chat that occurs with people who you see all the time. I think I like to constantly develop and change, recognizably, which tends to occur at distance.

It seems that a number of people I've grown close to have their sights set on being nearly everywhere but here. Sometimes my life gets into this holding pattern, and for whatever reason I have to sit back and watch everyone else live life around me.
Worse than feeling like a grade school teacher watching all of their students run off and live these far more interesting lives is watching things come far too easily to other people around you.

Watching people get to certain personal milestone points with minimal or no effort frustrates the hell out of me! Like the exceedingly scattered, youthful director of a recent movie I worked on, who took for granted that this group of people who he mistreated on a regular basis would ensure the project wouldn't fall apart, just because we were the responsible ones.

I guess the stable and the experienced always hold the shit end of the stick and clean up the mess left by the Mr. Magoos and the George W. Bushes of the world.
Sometimes I wonder why I must be one of the rational ones. Why can't I just make wild-eyed impulsive choices, assuming everything will just iron out in the end? What's with non-prodigious people finding personal successes with a snap of their fingers? What - are you one of Jerry's kids, or something? Why are you living your dreams, and I'm still stuck having them?

I guess everyone has something, whether it's home ownership, popping out smart babies, getting that dream job, or maybe riches and fame. My feeling is that if everything comes way too easily, you end up taking credit for that silver platter you had nothing to do with shining, to say little of having nothing else to look forward to.

Well, I guess that's the key to my perception of personal success. As sad as it may sound, I suppose I can only consider it success if it took a lot of work to attain it.