have heart

previously published by me elsewhere:

One thing that defines many horror movies is little tricks that make the audience react on a visceral level. Tonight we shot one such scene that involves a most vital organ, but ironically my heart just wasn't in it. The material wasn't really exciting to me, and I know I wasn't the only one.

At the core of satisfaction in a relationship is the assumption that all parties involved are getting out of it something they want. For a lot of people doing this, there's the hope that the resulting feature film that comes from all of the work will be a success, or at least worth all of the trouble.

In my mind this same sort of prospects for the future test is put toward every relationship. This is something I really got to thinking about today, having just found out two of my friends have broken up.

I remember flying down the highway with them, while we were all on a road trip. A certain lull in our conversation was filled with an extensive conversation between them. It was then that I realized they were hitting it off in a different way than before, and I was witnessing the birth of something special. It wasn't long after until I realized I had quickly become merely a chauffeur.

The dynamic always changes between people when break ups happen. You always worry that you're going to be one of the things that has to go as people try to heal and step away from the past.

A few years ago a marriage-bound couple I once knew had a really nasty break-up that involved an unnecessary restraining order and a completely unsettling display of spite. I only know one of them now, and the other ended up losing all signs of their original personality.

As unlikely as it is, my romantic half often likes to think a separated married couple I know will get back together, even if they both ruined that relationship.
As selfish and simplistic as it sounds, it's like bands you know and love getting a new lead singer. You have too many positive associations with how it was the other way.

The thing is, I know too many lonely people to know two more. And this just breaks my heart.